Uta Hagen--

"We must overcome the notion that we must be regular...it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre."

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Chaos Ensues.

I've mentioned before that I have been debating whether or not it was time for a change.  I have hinted at putting CATCH ME on hold for a little while - maybe just for the summer - and writing this other project.  Lately, I've had little to no inspiration and am at a point in CATCH ME that I'm feeling a little lost, a little distant, a little. . . just out of it, I guess.  If you're a writer, I'm thinking you know this feeling. And if you ARE a writer - please let me know that you're out there!! It's just a matter of making up my mind.

A lot of this has had to do with the fact that I am afraid that if I take a break from CM, it's like I'm giving up on Jimmy.  It's a big internal struggle that I'm facing.  Every time I let myself think about this new project, something in my head plays this Jimmy card on me, and I'm guilted into opening up CM again.  But every time I've opened the Chapter 11 document, I haven't been able to write anything. Not even a word.  And if I'm not going anywhere with it, it seems to me that I should continue on writing SOMETHING.

Another thing that comes to mind that scares me bleepless is the fact that part of this project involves a subject matter that I know little to nothing about.  I have a friend who does, so maybe I should enlist his help.  I could research it, but at this point I've let myself fall so in love with this story, that I don't really want to sift through something that could change my mind - if that makes any sense?  And I'm really afraid that what I'm envisioning and planning won't actually be plausible, or even real.  It can only be fiction to a point, you know?

I had considered beginning writing this new project today.  But all day I've found something to reason against it.  So I really need your guys' help, if you're reading.  I need help here deciding what I need to do.  I don't want to abandon CM, but right now I'm just not feeling it.  And I cannot explain to you how bad that makes me feel to say that.  I feel like I'm betraying Jimmy in so many ways.  He inspired my writing in so many ways. . . see, I go in circles!!

Please help.



Anonymous said...

Hanna, I know just how you feel, only another writer would understand.
Sometimes you just get 'stuck' and it's hard, almost impossible, to move on. Times like that (this) we have to, for the sake of our gift, walk away for a time. Being able to write and make people feel the way we fill, is one of the greatest gifts a person can have.

If Jimmy was here he say, "move on kido, CM will are be there when you're ready to come back"

You've had to deal with a lot of stress the last 24 months, maybe your mind needs a break, something new, just for now.

start the other project, in a few weeks your desire for CM will more than likely be back, stronger than ever.

If Jimmy was here he'd say, "go ahead, I'll catch you where ever you land.
I'm praying for you.
Love you, Carla

Hanna said...

Thank you, Carla. He'd probably tell me to just not write CM. But he doesn't get the last say this time! lol

I think I'm going to start it.