Uta Hagen--

"We must overcome the notion that we must be regular...it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary and leads you to the mediocre."

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Non, je ne regrette rien

Je ne vais pas ecrire en francais. (I'm not going to write in French - minus some accents.)

Mais - I mean, but, I do have some important stuff to say.  I feel like I've already reflected on HOW I came to writing in January of 2008, but I can't find that post, so remind me some other time and I'll write a more detailed and insightful recounting of why I started writing, other than I wanted to.


Yesterday - January 14th - was my 5th anniversary of the day I started writing.  5 years!  That is kind of weird to think about.

In some ways, it is hard for me to remember a time when I didn't enjoy writing, when reading was something I was required to do, not something I loved to do.  But 5 years...it just makes me wonder how quickly time can go and honestly, it scares me.  I feel like the first 3 of those 3 years passed somewhat slowly, but when I got to high school the last few have really sped things up.

I look back upon little (okay, I'm still the same height I was then) 11 year old me and wonder how she could have thought that writing would be "easy."  I look back and envy the innocence she had in her thoughts and views on the world and the simplicity with which she could perceive things.  But despite this, I am grateful that she had the courage to sit down at her computer one night and start to type having no idea what she was going to write about, but just letting the story find her on its own.  If I were to attempt that now?  I have a feeling the document would not be opened a second time.  But that 11 year old me thought the same thing that night; that she would never come back to that word document.  Her curiosity which bred love brought her back.  

And it's exactly that that continues to bring me back.  No matter where I go in life, no matter how many times I get pulled away because of life, something always brings me back to writing.

I don't think that I could heal without writing.  And maybe heal isn't the right word - I don't think I could cope without writing.  When I'm angry or sad or heartbroken, the first thing I want to do (okay, after I stop crying) is write.  When I'm happy or giddy or content, the first thing I want to do is write.  Somehow all of my emotions find their way to the page, whether they are seen by others or not.  A verse here, a line of dialogue there...one day it'll all come together.

Through the 5 years of writing, I have learned a lot about my craft, my style, my beliefs, and myself.  I have gone through two computers (I only killed one of them....), a few different versions of Microsoft Word (oh, and Works...that was interesting).  I have improved, I have switched genres (a few times), I have broadened my spectrum of things I write in terms of form, and most of all, the love I hold for writing has only grown.

Sometimes in day-to-day life, hobbies get pushed aside, as writing often does.  But the important part is that you come back to it.

And I will always come back to it - until I no longer have to leave it.

Parce que, je ne regrette rien.

Because I regret nothing. 

I do not regret falling in love with something so difficult, because I know it's WORTH IT.  I do not regret sitting down at a computer in my spare time and creating a world (I have yet to write a story in a completely different 'world' ~ out of state is about as far-out as I breach) from my head and spending time with characters I have imagined that no one else may know about - yet - because, I know it's WORTH IT.  

And that?  That's what I come back to.

Happy 5 year anniversary to the 'novel' that started it all in me.  Forever on my shelf, you shall rest.  Until I have other people living with me.  Then you will be hidden away.  But I still love you.

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