I kind of suck

I've been back at writing for a week, yesterday and I'm already beginning to see how long I've been out of the swing of things.  Not only is my writing not really flowing, it's just really hard for me to sit down and resolve to write.  It's not because I don't love it, because I know I do.  I don't know if it's just the subject matter that's seemingly keeping me away, or if I'm just not ready or what. 

I think a big part of it is school.  I don't remember ever being this tired after school last year - and I actually get up later this year than I did in junior high.  I don't know if I'm just not sleeping well or if I'm just mentally exhausted and haven't ever had a chance to catch up on that, but that doesn't seem very likely.  All I know is, by the time I sit down and it's at a time I'm able to write (I like writing in the later hours) I just can't.  If you've been following my blog for a while, you might remember that this is something that I struggled with quite often with Solace during the months of school.  Finding the time to write is hard.  Especially when you have to get up so early in the morning, which requires a bed time around ten o'clock. 

I'm hoping that the closer I get to the end of my freshman year, the more I am able to write.  I still can't quite get my head wrapped around the idea of this story - that it's not what I'm used to writing.  It's scary, but kind of exciting.  There's no guideline to follow this time, as where when I was writing Solace I was in the second draft and already had a pretty good understanding of who my characters were and what they needed and where the story was going to take them - or where they were going to take the story.  And while this novel is largely a true story and is largely clear in my head, that seems to make it harder.  I need to make it good and I need to make sure it makes certain people happy (which, could out to be harder than I thought when it comes to certain people - but I can't leave them out).  Not only this, but I have to make sure that I honor Jimmy and don't let him down, in a sense.  It's just...new...and as we all know, Hanna does not deal very well with change.  So here's to hoping I get that worked out as well. 

But let me just put this into perspective for you.  I've been back to writing for eight days.  And in those eight days, I've written more on that first night than in the total time I've been writing.

So, yeah, I kind of suck. (Too bad it's not in a cool vampire-ish way :-< )

Hope you all have a wonderful week and TUESDAY'S ALMOST OVER!!

~Hanna~