Blogging vs Writing

Pray for LCPL Tyler McNabb

(My cousin in the USMC deployed yesterday to Japan for a month, then Afghanistan to finish his deployment)

I've had a really rough time lately finding the motivation to write.  I know that sounds really bad.  I'm the one who decided that I wanted - needed - to write this.  But it's hard, which I know, is a really lame excuse.  So many of the things I'm writing about right now are the things that I've worked so hard to keep suppressed and that I numbed myself to them when they were happening, not to mention the fact that I never really let myself think about them afterwards.  Maybe that's where my problem is lying.  I'm not wanting to evoke these things that could make my dad go so far south that when I wake up, I still haven't made it completely north again.

I'm not sure if this is making any sense at all, and maybe I'm writing this only for myself.  But hey, most of what I post here is just that.  Although, I love each and everyone of you that still read this no matter how much I might complain on here. 

So for those of you that read this that are writers, how do you guys get motivated?  It's like, I want to write, but when I sit down to do it...I just can't.  I know the easy fix would be that I should just write something else, but to me, this is the story I need to tell right now.  I don't think I can ever move forward in any way if I don't write this, if I don't allow myself to go back and "un-numb" myself when things were happening.  (Again, this is probably making no sense.)  I told myself that it'd be okay if this draft sucked, because all first drafts do (I should have learned that from the first draft of SOLACE) - that all I wanted to do was do this draft quick like a band-aid, then I could go more in depth and polish it in future drafts.  But that's not happening. 

So, any motivation ideas??

Have a great weekend!
Hanna