Ryan Simpson ~ Free of Shackles

So, I know that I kind of suck at keeping a blog, but I'll make up for it today.  Previously on this blog, I've mentioned the Scotty Bratcher Band.  Also, I have previously reviewed books on this blog.  Today I'm going to try something new: I'm going to review an album.  

Ryan Simpson is the drummer for the Scotty Bratcher Band, but (as I recently discovered) he

has his own album of songs he's written and preformed.  I purchased his album, FREE OF SHACKLES, this past Friday and listened to it in its entirety (a few times) on Saturday.  The music really struck me for a couple reasons.  1) The sound is a lot different than anything I had ever heard him play with the SBB. 2) The lyrics were really meaningful and deep. 3) He had recorded everything by himself, every instrument and all of the vocals on every track.  

I decided to review the album for a couple reasons, as well.  Obviously, Ryan's a super nice guy, but the main reason, I think, is to help spread the word about his solo music career.  Having been a fan of the SBB for well over a year, I couldn't believe that I didn't know he had his own album.  Because I'm a literary analysis freak, I'm going to go song by song and give my thoughts, so if you don't want to know my interpretations in order to better form your own, you don't have to read anything but the over-all impressions.  Also, you can listen and read the lyrics to all of the songs HERE.  

Side note: The opinions expressed here are just that - opinions.  They are my own take on the songs and music of Ryan Simpson's original songs from his album, Free of Shackles.

Over-All Impression of Album: As a writer myself, I really appreciated the fact that Ryan Simpson is unafraid to write what he truly feels.  It's not easy to put yourself out there in any respect, but to put your thoughts and feelings out there, it's a scary thing, but very admirable.  It's a very emotional album and the feelings of the songs definitely come through.  It's raw and somewhat heart-breaking in a way that can only be explained by listening to the songs.  He's a very talented person - as a drummer, definitely, but also as a writer/singer/guitarist/all-of-the-other-instruments-he-plays-on-the-album. The music is harder and darker than what I normally listen to, but I honestly enjoyed it.  If you had to compare him to someone (and that's a very hard thing to do), the closest I could get would be Nine Inch Nails.  But overall, BEST $10 I've spent in a long time! 

"When You Fall" is somewhat a revengeful song (I'm not sure that's the right word, but I can't think of the right one).  We all know the type of person that is described in this song, the person who gets really far in life but probably not by the right path.  We can't be happy for this person, maybe they betrayed us in the process of gaining their success.  This person is seemingly perfect and thinks him or herself to be invincible.  This song is about the inevitable fall of a person who believes him or herself to be above others.

"Jealous Hands"  in my opinion, is about a relationship that ended for one person before it did for the other.  It clearly shows the hurt of unrequited love and almost gives the feeling of being used by this other person.  But what I like most about this song, I think, is that it comes full circle and isn't just about grieving over a broken heart; we all have to get over heartbreak and this song shows that you have to kick people out of your life that have hurt you - even if they're already gone.  And I think that's something we can all relate to.  You can't give someone the satisfaction of ruining your life every day after they've already hurt you once.  You have to get back up and say, "I'm stronger than this.  You hurt me, but I'm going to find something/someone better."

"You Think You Know (But I Promise You Don't)" voiced doubts in religion, which we all have probably had at some point in our lives.  No one really knows the answers to the most important questions in life, especially when it comes to religion and what is "right" and what is "wrong."  To me, this song conveyed the struggle to put your faith in the unknown.  

"Apostasy" (defined as: a total desertion of or a departure from one's religion, principles, party, cause, etc.) Knowing the definition, and realizing Ryan has a very large vocabulary because I had to look up words, you could probably guess what this song is about.  First, I would like to say that it's an interesting song in terms of sound - I think there might be xylophones?  And that's always a plus.  There's an obvious lack of trust in this song stemming from needing someone, presumably God, who wasn't there.  I felt like the lyrics conveyed a sense of not being heard and feeling abandoned.  There was a feeling of disappointment and of self blame for letting yourself believe.  Definitely a song about seeking the truth.  This song is one of the best examples of Ryan Simpson not being afraid to put his true feelings out there.

"Cleaner" is a song about corrupt government and society.  The people who are in power will never stay in that position, and when we're gone, we are left to clean up their mess.  We have to fix other people's mistakes.  The song shows the government taking the power away from the people, but also the need for the people to retaliate and take the power back from the government.  A very relevant song to today's world.

"New Low" similar to "Jealous Hands," I felt this song was about an abrupt end to a relationship that one of the two people (the speaker) doesn't want to end.  I felt that the speaker in this song felt betrayed by his lover who felt as though there was nothing left in the relationship and thus leaves him with nothing - not even a goodbye, really.  He doesn't want to let go of the relationship and isn't able to because of the physical, unjustified and unrequited need for this person. 

"Viet Song" as a history buff, this song jumped out at me when I was reading through the song titles because of it's obvious relation to the Vietcong from the Vietnam War.  This song has a beautiful instrumental intro.  It's about unrequited love and growing up without realizing it.  Often enough, people act like everything's okay, even when it's not.  When conflicts are over, people tend to pretend they never happened and push them out of mind.  I related to this song because of the feeling of confusion and not being sure of what to do with your life.  But I love that this song gives the hope that one day everything will be okay; that one day, your life will be what it needs to be, you just have to push through until it gets there.  Maybe my favorite song on the album.  It's a little bit confusing, but when I asked Ryan about it, he told me he didn't want to tell me because he was afraid it'd ruin it for me.  But that's okay, I like the song anyway.

"Savior Poison" is by far the deepest song on the album, in my humble opinion.  It's a very satirical song about society and freedom.  We are free to do as we're told, but are not supposed to question things as they are, just accept them.  People do not think for themselves, but is that really freedom?  There's a line about the rules being made in the sky, which, to me, references that this country was founded on a Christian platform and the controversial topic of whether or not that's the correct way to do things.  The song definitely shows the absurdity of not being yourself but conforming to what society expects of you.  To me, the song had a gospel/rock sound to it, which added to the satire all the more.  No matter what your beliefs are, I urge you to listen to this song.

"The Sports Racers Vs. The Hard Chargers" is an all instrumental song.  I'm not going to lie, it brought out the air instrumentalist in me.  It's a very energetic and all-around fun song to listen to.  Would make a great song to pump you up in the morning or while you're exercising (if you're into that sort of thing).  

"Burning Skin" is also an all instrumental song.  It's a more peaceful song than "TSR Vs. THC."  It's a very beautiful song.  I'd be interested in finding out where the title came from.  There's a line about "Burning skin become my face" the last song on the album...Any connection?

"Free of Shackles" is probably tied with "Viet Song" for my favorite track.  It, to me, showed how an ending can be a new beginning.  It makes you search for a purpose and emphasizes that you can't let the bad overtake you.  Even though you might not be sure of the future, that's okay.  It's okay to wander around and try to find your path in life.  There's nothing holding you down anymore now that you're finally free.  I think that's what we all have wanted all along.  So endings are okay, as long as you move on and learn from them.  It's okay to be afraid, because you know that as you continue to move on, you're closer to the good than you are to the bad.  I think this song was the perfect song to end the album that is so full of hurt and uncertainty.  

So there you have it.  I would seriously urge you to purchase this album and show some support to Mr. Ryan Simpson.  If you don't feel like tracking him down at a SBB show, you're in luck!  You can also purchase a digital version of his album online where you can listen to the songs and read the lyrics!  All you have to do is click HERE!  And like I said, it's only $10! 

I'm definitely looking forward to the next album and cannot wait to see what the future holds for this very talented musician!  

Being Lost

So, in April of last year I told myself I was either going to blog or vlog every Tuesday, because I really hate Tuesdays and needed something to look forward to on those days.  Well, seeing as how my last post on this blog was in January. . . I think we can officially say that I fail as a blogger.

But that's okay.  I don't think anyone really noticed my absence. 

But I do have some updates since we last talked. 

• I now have a boyfriend (we've been together for 4 months!) and I'm really happy.
• Scotty Bratcher did end up in the top 100 of the Play Crossroads competition, but, sadly did not win the competition. 
• I finished my junior year of high school.

Okay, so in my mind, I felt like there were a lot more monumental things that I needed to tell you.  I mean, more stuff has happened in the months since I've posted, but nothing that anyone really cares to know about, haha.  

But I really do have a point to my post today, or at least, I think I do.  

I want to talk about direction.  And, more specifically, as it pertains to life. 

My birthday is Friday and I will be 17.  For some reason, 17 seems a lot older than 16, maybe because it seems so much closer to 18.  This summer is my last real summer vacation before college.  And that scares me.  Because I don't know what I want to do with my life.

I think that a lot of people my age are at this point right now.  But the difference between me and them is that they have a plan to some degree and at least think they know what they want.  Me? I have no idea.  

I always thought education would be what I went to school for and what I did until I reached a point where I could write for a living (assuming I ever get that far).  But there are so many changes being made to the education system right now, that I'm not sure I want to be part of that.  I want to touch lives and to make a difference to people, but maybe teaching isn't the way to do that anymore. 

In my psychology class, we learned that even at the age of 16, our brains are not fully developed.  This means that we haven't fully reached who we are going to be yet.  And yet, at the age of 17 or 18, we have to decide pretty much what we want to do for the rest of our lives and what we out of life.

And personally?  I don't feel ready to make that decision.  I mean, of course there are dreams that I have - of being an author, or a photographer, or wife of Robert Pattinson - but the realistic part of my brain pushes those dreams aside and tells me to think logically and responsibly.  Because some dreams are more likely to fail than others.  And some dreams won't support you, financially.  

I really hate to bring money into this because I don't like it when people choose a profession based on the money they'll make instead of whether or not they enjoy the job.  But the reality is that you have to be able to make money.  You have to support yourself in order to keep doing the job you're doing, or else it's pointless.  And if you have a family, you have to be able to support them, too.  

But I want to do something I enjoy, something that matters.  But I don't fully know what that is.  

Basically, what I'm saying is this: 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XZ12nrz47U

And that I'm lost.  I'm really lost.  But I don't even know what I'm looking for.  

Maybe, I'm just supposed to be trying to find myself again. 

Follow me on Twitter @HannaLedford

Follow me on Tumblr at http://myseparatereality.tumblr.com/ 

(even though I don't really do anything on it)

Dreams

I want to talk about dreams today. 

Not your dreams that Freud would tell you mean you like your mom or whatever - those are your own business.

I don't even want to talk about my dreams today, folks!

My original photo 

I want to talk about the dreams of this guitar player whose picture is shown above (^).  First I would just like to say that you should most definitely click that widget up there and go add your name to the list of supporters on the right hand side of the page.  It's free and all you have to enter is your name and email address.  You don't even have to put your full name.  If you don't know about the Scotty Bratcher Band, you should listen to the four tracks listed.  Two of them are brand new and the album they'll be on hasn't even been released yet - the other two are from his previous album.  But if those four tracks don't convince you that the Scotty Bratcher Band deserves to win this thing...You should go have your ears checked.  If you decide to become a fan (which is advisable...be a hipster, like them before they're BIG!), you can share the link with your Facebook friends and Twitter followers.  The more times you do these things, the more times Scotty's Buzz Rating goes up and the more chances he has of being in the top 100 (right now he's at about the 110 mark, as I'm writing this) bands selected by review by judges, who will then pick one group to play at Madison Square Garden with Eric Clapton!  So go check it out! 

Now, this relates to dreams of writers, and just people in general.  Or I'm going to make it relate.  You know, I think that when we are young we have these huge dreams of becoming famous or being an astronaut or winning the presidency.  We set our sights on such big feats and don't care that the likelihood of us accomplishing them is very slim.  Most of us outgrow these dreams, realizing that they might not be so realistic.  But the people that don't let go of their dreams?  They see how hard it's going to be to get there.  They realize the amount of work it's going to take.  They realize they're probably not going to just have it handed to them on a silver platter along with the keys to a Ferrari and a mansion.  But mostly they realize that they want it - and that the work that it requires, the strength and determination it requires, is worth it.  And these people?  These are the people that make it.

You know, I've read plenty of books and heard plenty of bands that don't get the recognition they deserve.  I've known authors who write beautiful pieces and novels and they get swept under the rug by the cliche love/horror/insert-genre-here stories that our society is comfortable with.  I've heard songs written by artists (locally and globally) who are not supported enough to make it to radio, mega-tours, and the likes because they do not fit the mold of the pop-culture, boy-band, break-up songs that we, as a society, have adopted as our 'standards,' so to speak.  And that saddens me because there are people out there that are so much more talented than Nicki Minaj or Justin Beiber.  There are better writers out there than Nicolas Sparks.  I mean, I respect each artist because it does take a LOT of courage to put yourself out there for the world, but I think we also need to appreciate the artists that are around us.  Because the artists that are not recognized, well-known, or over-played on the radio - those are the artists we should be supporting.  Because they're REAL.  And more often than not, their music/writing/paintings/etc portray a more relatable side to life than the celebrity-crazed-life-style you'll hear on the radio.

I think there are people you stumble across in the course of your life that inspire you.  I'd like to say that it'd be great to find them all at once so that you'd never lose faith in yourself or your dreams, but part of me says that's not true.  I think that each person you find that inspires you is planted at a very specific point in your life and it's not until you lose faith in yourself, and water that seed with your tears of helplessness that that person arises to show you what you can do.  Whether they've been there your whole life or if you meet them for the first time right when you needed someone else to give you a push, these people are placed throughout our lives to keep us going.  I have been so blessed to have these types of people in my life - and I know that if I had met all of them at once, I wouldn't be where I am.  I have evolved so much since I first started writing.  And if I had met some of them at the beginning of my writing journey, I don't think I would have seen what I was supposed to see as inspiration in them.  Whether they know it or not, I draw strength and drive from them all the time, even ones no longer in my life.  Because they once inspired me, they always will.  It's funny that I depend on these people so much - we, more often than not, depend on the most unstable things in life: relationships, people, feelings, and love.  But without people like this in my life, I know that I would have given up on my dreams long ago.  And it is because of these people that I know this will never happen.  

I don't really know that this post has come full circle, necessarily  but I'm hoping it at least made sense.  I think it will to some of you.  But my main point is we could do something amazing here: we could help an amazing group of guys reach their dreams.  And that?  That's a something that's not guaranteed to everyone.  So please go give the tracks a listen and if you like them, add your name to the supporters list, share the site on Facebook and on Twitter - or wherever you so please!  

Scotty didn't pay me to do this or anything, I should mention that.  He and his music have done so much for me and my family, I felt like it was the very least I could do.  I am not at all kidding when I tell you that there is no one on the face of this earth that deserves this recognition more than the Scotty Bratcher Band.  

So with that, I'll step off of my platform and you can do what you want with this information - those few of you who actually read these things. : ) Hiiiii people.  You're my friends. 

Non, je ne regrette rien

Je ne vais pas ecrire en francais. (I'm not going to write in French - minus some accents.)

Mais - I mean, but, I do have some important stuff to say.  I feel like I've already reflected on HOW I came to writing in January of 2008, but I can't find that post, so remind me some other time and I'll write a more detailed and insightful recounting of why I started writing, other than I wanted to.

BUT: 

Yesterday - January 14th - was my 5th anniversary of the day I started writing.  5 years!  That is kind of weird to think about.

In some ways, it is hard for me to remember a time when I didn't enjoy writing, when reading was something I was required to do, not something I loved to do.  But 5 years...it just makes me wonder how quickly time can go and honestly, it scares me.  I feel like the first 3 of those 3 years passed somewhat slowly, but when I got to high school the last few have really sped things up.

I look back upon little (okay, I'm still the same height I was then) 11 year old me and wonder how she could have thought that writing would be "easy."  I look back and envy the innocence she had in her thoughts and views on the world and the simplicity with which she could perceive things.  But despite this, I am grateful that she had the courage to sit down at her computer one night and start to type having no idea what she was going to write about, but just letting the story find her on its own.  If I were to attempt that now?  I have a feeling the document would not be opened a second time.  But that 11 year old me thought the same thing that night; that she would never come back to that word document.  Her curiosity which bred love brought her back.  

And it's exactly that that continues to bring me back.  No matter where I go in life, no matter how many times I get pulled away because of life, something always brings me back to writing.

I don't think that I could heal without writing.  And maybe heal isn't the right word - I don't think I could cope without writing.  When I'm angry or sad or heartbroken, the first thing I want to do (okay, after I stop crying) is write.  When I'm happy or giddy or content, the first thing I want to do is write.  Somehow all of my emotions find their way to the page, whether they are seen by others or not.  A verse here, a line of dialogue there...one day it'll all come together.

Through the 5 years of writing, I have learned a lot about my craft, my style, my beliefs, and myself.  I have gone through two computers (I only killed one of them....), a few different versions of Microsoft Word (oh, and Works...that was interesting).  I have improved, I have switched genres (a few times), I have broadened my spectrum of things I write in terms of form, and most of all, the love I hold for writing has only grown.

Sometimes in day-to-day life, hobbies get pushed aside, as writing often does.  But the important part is that you come back to it.

And I will always come back to it - until I no longer have to leave it.

Parce que, je ne regrette rien.

Because I regret nothing. 

I do not regret falling in love with something so difficult, because I know it's WORTH IT.  I do not regret sitting down at a computer in my spare time and creating a world (I have yet to write a story in a completely different 'world' ~ out of state is about as far-out as I breach) from my head and spending time with characters I have imagined that no one else may know about - yet - because, I know it's WORTH IT.  

And that?  That's what I come back to.

Happy 5 year anniversary to the 'novel' that started it all in me.  Forever on my shelf, you shall rest.  Until I have other people living with me.  Then you will be hidden away.  But I still love you.

First Post of 2013 (I took New Year's Day off)

This post has nothing to do with Mr. Darcy, but Tuesdays suck and sometimes?  Sometimes you just need a Daily Dose of Darcy. (OMG that's alliteration!)

First post of 2013 - and it's actually on time!  (Don't become too used to that, it probably won't last long.)

I'm writing this post a little bit in advance, though, because I'm thinking I'm going to be busy on Tuesday.  Also, I am doing everything I can to procrastinate and not do the reading I was supposed to do over break.  I'm sure I'll get it done. . . eventually.  Before Monday.  Maybe.  It'd just be so much easier if Hawthorne would just spit out what he wanted to say.  

That could actually, somewhat, seg-way into my talking point today.  Which, believe it or not, is actually writing related for the first time in a long time.

Over this break, I've had a lot of inspiration to write.  From movies I've watched or books - actually, only one book - I've read, I've found myself really wanting to write.  But as soon as I pull up the word document, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing.  I know where the story is going, but the words are trapped inside my finger tips.  It's frustrating.

And it's not even just my big project.  It's poems, too.  I have so many little verses on sheets of paper that have no accompanying verses.  Things that pop into my head are written down and then when I re-visit them to make something out of some of them, I get stuck.

I don't like being stuck.

I really don't like not knowing how to get un-stuck.

I've talked to writers who'll write over 5k words a day.  Me?  I'm lucky if I write one sentence.  Most days?  Unfortunately, most days I don't get to write at all.  I try to utilize breaks from school to accomplish things, but with family time and homework and everything else that needs done, I feel like it's not getting anywhere.

And I'm not writing this to sound ungrateful.  I'm am so grateful that I love writing, that it is my dream and what I want.  And I am willing to work for it, don't get me wrong there, either.  

Maybe it's because I haven't found the right story yet, or maybe it's because I'm at the beginning of the story I'm trying to write.  The two most terrible parts of a story to write are the beginning and the ending.  It's either setting everything up or taking everything down, and making sure all ends tie together into a nice and pretty red bow.

And even though it's a first draft and I'm only like 13 pages into it?  I kind of get all panic-y and I don't know why.  

So writers - writers of any kind - do you struggle with this?  What do you do to break through writer's block?  And what keeps you motivated when writing? 

2012 Recap

                                                

I really have mixed feelings about re-capping this year.  It's been a pretty crazy year, and, sadly, I'm not sure if it's for the better.  I lost some people I loved dearly this year.  But at the same time, I've had some great times with family this year.  So let's start at the beginning, shall we?

January:  New Year's day came as it usually does and was, for me, again a solemn occasion. Since Jimmy's death, it has seemed the new years are not good things, but rather scary things. I can't quite explain that one, but it's another year he won't live in.  The change to 2011 was the worst, but last year still felt like too much change.  A friend of mine made promises to me that night that less than two months later he failed to keep.  It's a little bit scary to me how much changed within the first three months of 2012.  Looking back, I wish I would have enjoyed New Year's Eve more than I did.  I didn't know it then, but it would be the last time I saw my Uncle Drew.  Five days into the new year, my dear family friend, Harry, passed away.  Harry was one of the first people to support me in my writing.  He always cheered me on and would write me letters telling me to never give up.  I have one of those letters framed now.  It is still weird to think I'll never see him again - although, I know that he is no longer in pain.  My "Drunk in the Walker" as I came to jokingly call him, will now support me from Heaven.  On the 7th, my family and I had a surprise Welcome Home party and escort for my USMC cousin who had just returned home from Afghanistan.  It was a great day.  I believe I have recapped it somewhere on this blog, so I won't say much.  Around the 21st, my cousin got engaged to his wonderful girlfriend and they are due to be married this coming year.  And, of course, I got my camera in January of last year.

February: February was pretty quiet.  My baby cousin turned one on the seventh and we celebrated his first birthday the following weekend.  My friend, Abby, and I went to Winter Formal which will probably never happen again.  Hardly anyone we knew were there.  The 28th marked the one year anniversary of me writing Catch Me - which is sort of on hold - and that's about it.

March: Easily the worst month of the year.  I wish this month had never happened.  On March 7th, my Uncle Drew was in Louisville, Kentucky, doing a comedy show.  That Wednesday night, he called my grandma (his sister) and told her he'd been having chest pains.  She finally convinced him to go to the hospital and out of humor, he decided to go to the Jewish hospital because he'd "always wanted to go to one of them."  He didn't know it then, but that hospital was the only hospital anywhere near him that had the machine that kept him "alive" until his family could get there.  Thursday morning, my mom's phone rang as I was putting on my make-up - it was the ringtone reserved for my grandma, who I knew was never up at 6am. I was told that he was in the hospital, though I didn't understand my mom when she told me.  I thought she was talking about another uncle that had been sick that I didn't really know.  It wasn't until we were going out to the bus and my dad was talking about it that I figured out it was Drew.  I went to school that day heartbroken and scared to death.  But we didn't know how serious it was then.  Friday night, I went to Kentucky to see him in the hospital.  It's something I don't like to think about - I don't want to remember him that way.  But my Uncle Drew passed away that Saturday, the 10th, around 3:20pm. His services were the following week - the week of my Ohio Graduation Tests.  I didn't do as well on those as I probably could have.  The rest of the month was pretty uneventful.  My grandparents came home from Florida after having been gone for 3 months.

April: The month started with spring break and on the 5th, the friend I've had the longest came over and we went to see The Hunger Games.  That night we had a talk that was long-over due and I think we both realized we shouldn't let people drive us apart.  On the 11th, my dad and Uncle went to see Scotty Bratcher play at a benefit they had for my Uncle Drew.  Scotty was a good friend of Drew's and I met him the night of the visitation.  Out of everything that happened, meeting him and becoming a fan of his music is probably the only plus other than realizing how precious my family and life is.  That night, Scotty broke a guitar string, which my dad brought home to me.  It's hanging on my wall as a reminder that even though sometimes we break, we have to keep playing.    On the 14th, I spent the night at my Nana's and we watched movies until the early morning.  The 17th marked two years since I had seen my cousin, Jimmy. On the 20th, I went to see Scotty Bratcher play for the very first time with my aunt, uncle, and brother.  It was a great show, I just couldn't see anything from where I sat (there was a wall-type-thing in the way).  On the 21st, I went to the Ohio State spring game with my cousins and my brother.  I love it there.  On the 28th, I volunteered at the Walk for Lupus, celebrated my cousin's birthday, and I stayed over at my Uncle Drew and Aunt Mickie's house and babysat their two boys.

May: On the 9th, I presented the first SGT James C. Robinson Memorial Scholarship (Shabooms) at the school Jimmy graduated from.  On the 11th, I went to see Dark Shadows with my friend, Emily.  (Which was the last time I've seen her!!!!!!!!! Not cool.) On the 24th, Jimmy would have turned 29.  The last week of May and into June, I had my final exams for my sophomore year of high school.

June: Sophomore year ended uneventfully and the following week I started the class room portion of Driver's Ed.  Six days of Driver's Ed first thing in the morning.  It wasn't fun.  On the 8th, my Uncle Bill (who I had thought had been the one to have a heart attack in March) passed away.  We left for Myrtle Beach on the 10th and I turned 16 on the beach (well, actually, I turned 16 inside of the Ben and Jerry's ice cream shop) on the 14th.  We left the following day and on the way home, I was told that my cousin in Kentucky had been in a motorcycle accident.  Pam died that night, leaving her daughter, Sasha.  My heart broke knowing the pain of losing a mother - and knowing it had to be worse having had about 19 years with her mom.  Uncle Bill's memorial was the following day.  The 17th was Father's Day and my dad, my brother, and I went to Cincinnati to see Scotty Bratcher play at a Father's Day celebration that was going on.  On the 18th, my sister turned 5, but I was on my way to Kentucky that day (and was very sick) for Pam's services on the 18th and 19th.  It was good to see people I hadn't in years, but not under those circumstances. On the 22nd, I saw Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter with my dad and brother.  On the 23rd, we had the 2nd Annual Shabooms Ride, which was a great day.  

July: Not a whole lot happened in July.  On the 21st, we had a motorcycle ride for Drew and raised a lot of money for his two boys' college funds.  Some of Drew's comedian friends performed and so did Scotty Bratcher.  On the 29th, we had a SGT Jimmy night at a local bar that opened its doors to us on a Sunday and let us have music, food, etc.  

August: The 3rd of August marked two years since my Granny died.  I left two roses on her grave for the two years she'd been in Heaven.  My family and I went to a Scotty Bratcher show that night, as well (what can I say?  He's pretty good.)  On the 4th, my daddy celebrated another birthday and I left with my brother and cousins for my family reunion in Kentucky.  It was a great weekend and I had so much fun.  It was so great to see some of my rarely seen cousins all together.  On the 19th, we had a pig roast and car show for Jimmy's scholarship fund.  It was a great day filled with music from Justus and Scotty Bratcher - their time was completely donated by them and we raised a good deal of money for the fund.  It was probably my favorite fundraiser we've ever done.  I started school the following week and began my junior year of high school.  Which is still crazy to me.  On the 28th, we honored Jimmy's second angelversary.  

September: Of course in September I recognized the anniversaries of Jimmy's homecoming and services in a post here.  I also cut ties with a previous friend, as reflected upon here.  On the 7th, a family friend, my "adopted brother," deployed to Afghanistan.  On the 13th, another one of Jimmy's friends deployed to Afghanistan.  On the 14th, I recognized what would have been my Mommy's 49th birthday.  That night, my family and I went to see Scotty Bratcher play and my friend, Elizabeth, went with us and fell in love with Scotty's music.  On the 22nd, my cousin turned 5.  On the 26th, my dad bought us our first car (a yellow 2000 VW Beetle) and on the 28th we picked it up. I started in-car on the 29th.  I also lost my Jimmy button in the car that day, but thankfully, my instructor found it and returned it to me.

October: On the 6th, I went to homecoming - which was fun.  The 8th marked the 13th anniversary of my mom's death.  The 9th would have been my parents' 30th wedding anniversary.  On the 13th we had a bonfire which was attended by some misc. people and was super fun.  On the 15th, I got to meet JOHN GREEN thanks to my wonderful friend, Abby (I recapped that here).  On the 18th, my school offered REDO day for my class (respect everyone despite odds).  It was such a great experience, I just wish people would keep the attitudes we all left with that day.  On the 23rd, I found out my Uncle Junior was in the hospital.  He was in for a week or two, and is now home, but is still sick.  And then, of course, on the 31st was Halloween, although the local trick-or-treat night was on the 30th.  

November: In this month I set out to participate in NaNoWriMo, which didn't go at all well.  On the 2nd, I went to Leanna Renee Hieber's book signing for The Twisted Tragedy of Miss Natalie Stewart.  It was lovely to see her, as always.  On the 10th, we had the 2nd Annual Spaghetti Dinner for Jimmy's scholarship.  Not only was it a great night in which I got to see my friends, family, and some of my "adopted" relatives (two of the guys that served with Jimmy and another guy's dad), we also raised a lot of money that night and hopefully a lot of awareness.  It was a great night full of love, laughter, dancing ( :D ), and wrapping paper fights.  It was a rough night emotionally, but I really realized how far we've come, how much farther we can go, and how loved Jimmy will always be.  He will not be forgotten.  The following day was Veteran's Day and I got to spend some time with three former military men at Jimmy's grave.  On the 16th, my friend, myself, and our moms went to see Breaking Dawn: Part II on release night.  It was bitter sweet to see the series that inspired me come to an end.  That night I posted on FaceBook: "So don't judge me here, but Twilight was the first book to inspire a love for reading and a curiosity for writing in me. Say what you want about the book, its author, or its movie adaptations, but it is rather bitter-sweet to see the series come to an end. I will never forget what it did for me because who I am and where I'm at today is partially thanks to Stephenie Meyer and her dream-inspired series. Which, coincidentally, inspired dreams of my own." On the 19th, I was honored and privileged enough to be inducted into National Honor Society.  It was an oddly emotional thing for me because for the first time in my life, it really hit me that my mom - and Jimmy - would never be there for the important events of my life.  Of course Thanksgiving soon followed and I got to spend time with my family - I actually had a lot of family come in from out of state because on the 24th, we got to celebrate my Great-Great-Grandma's birthday.  She turned 100 on the 25th.  Also on the 24th, OSU beat that team up north.  So, you know, good day.  The 29th would have been Uncle Drew's 48th birthday, so that was a hard day.  We went to the cemetery for a little bit.  I think that was definitely a day when things really sunk in.  

December: I just want to say that this recap is going nearly as fast as this year did.  On the 6th, my baby cousin turned 2 - which is impossible to believe.  On the 8th, my Great Aunt and Uncle came in town and we went to the cemetery with them to decorate Mom and Jimmy's graves for Christmas.  On the 12th (yes 12/12/12) I got my license! On the 14th, my mom, her friend, our cousin, my dad, and myself went to see Scotty Bratcher and the Danny Frazier Band at a local bar/bowling alley.  It was such a great show.  I hadn't planned on staying for the whole thing, but my dad and I ended up being there until the show was over and then some.  I think we left about 1:30am.  On the 15th, I got to see some of my family from Hazard, however briefly as I had had an APUSH class that morning. (Yes, a Saturday morning history class.  8am-11am.  Not at all fun.  Especially after being out that late the night before.  But it was worth it.)  The 18th marked the one year anniversary of my USMC cousin coming home from Afghanistan, so that was exciting.  On the 21st, the world didn't end, so that was pretty cool.  Then I was off for Christmas break and got to spend time with family and friends.  

And now?  Here we are.  At the end of another year.

My junior year of high school is nearly half-way over.  That's a scary thought.  You know, when you're little you always think about growing up.  How different you'll look, what you'll be, who you'll date, what kind of house you'll live in, and all that kind of stuff.  But what you don't realize is how fast you get there.  And how different you turn out than what you imagined.

If you told 8 year old me that at 16 she would have endured so much heartache, so many losses, have written a full (if not crappy) novel and started a few others, learned so much about life and herself, given up on singing because she realized she couldn't sing, never have had a boyfriend, never been kissed, kept some friends but lost others, and enjoy listening to the Blues, I don't think she would have believed you.  I can hardly believe it now.

I think every year changes us and teaches us some things.  This year has taught me to laugh.  To live.  I think my personality has changed this year, and I hope that's for the better.  My life focuses have changed and I also hope that that's for the better.  

Every year has its ups and downs, and this year is no exception.  I've lost people this year - both to death and to breaks that could not be mended.  But I also lived and loved this year.  I don't know that those necessarily balance out, but they've both changed me. 

And as always, I hope it's for the better.

Here's to a wonderful New Year!

p.s.  There are several links to various websites in this post.  If a musician or author mentioned caught your fancy, please be sure to visit their site by clicking the hyper-linked (and underlined) name.  Don't forget to check out their music/books if you do.  Scotty, Leanna, Justus, John Green, and the Danny Frazier Band are all amazing people and definitely deserve some more love.  They didn't ask me to say this or link them, they just happened to be in my life and make it into my year-end recap.  So show 'em some love. Also, the website for Jimmy's scholarship fund is linked where Shabooms is first mentioned, so if you feel inclined to get involved in that or whatever, please do. Happy New Year, y'all.

Guns

I would like to start this post off by saying that it is not about the tragedy in Connecticut.  This is in no way aimed at that or making a statement about that.  It is, however, in response to the mass flooding of anti-gun law support I've seen on social networking sites.  I wish people would stop using tragedies to use them as platforms to voice their opinions or make the event about an issue.  The shooting at that school - at any school, for that matter - did not happen because the shooter was against guns so don't make this a gun issue.  This is a human issue.

Guns can be good things, just as they can be bad.  

Okay, let's start here.  People have used axes to chop down trees to build homes, wagons, roads, or to heat their homes.  Axes have also been used to kill people.  Same with chain saws.  Other utensils we use daily that are vital to our every day lives are in the same boat.  Cars?  Yep.  Knives?  Yep.  Hammers?  Yep.  Bath tubs and their water?  Yep.  Electricity?  Yep.  Food?  Yep.  Household cleaners?  Yep.  Fertilizer?  Yep.  Gasoline?  Yep.  Swimming pools?  Yep.  Peanuts?  Yep. Shrimp?  Yep.  Fish?  Yep.  Chocolate?  YEP.

My point is, nearly anything can be used to kill people - if we're looking at it this way.  Things that we use every day that are harmless when used the proper way can be turned in a negative light and used to kill someone.  I don't see laws against using or owning knives, cars, or bottles of Clorox.  Know why?  Because majority of people use these things the CORRECT way.  And these things don't kill people on their own.  When they kill people, it is because SOMEONE misused them and did bad things with them.

Aren't guns the same?

While you could argue their vitality to life, they, as long as used properly, are harmless.  If the owner has common sense and doesn't keep the gun lying around the house loaded or the safeties off, no child is going to accidentally set it off.  The owner isn't going to accidentally shoot someone of his or herself if they know what they're doing.  It is when someone comes along and misuses the object that guns become a problem.

Guns can be used for hunting and providing food that you eat daily.  Not only on a local scale, but corporately.  How do you think they kill cows before they're butchered?  Guns.  It's morbid, but it's true.  Guns are used to protect you.  Cops use them all the time and I don't see anyone complaining about law enforcement using them to protect you law-abiding citizens (who are doing absolutely nothing wrong) from being attacked on a daily basis.  And I DEFINITELY do not see anyone complaining about our military men and women having guns and other weapons to protect our country and themselves.  

So why is it such an issue if citizens have guns?  Police officers are just normal citizens in uniform with some extra training that other people don't necessarily have and so are military personnel.  

Wanting to pass laws against guns will accomplish nothing.  The people that do this kind of stuff are not law abiding citizens.  What on earth makes someone think that they'll see a gun law or a gun-free zone and think "Oh, right.  Darn.  Can't bring that here." if they couldn't care less about breaking laws?

I do understand the point that if guns were not allowed, people would be less likely to use them improperly.  But I want to bring up a similar circumstance.  Prohibition.  When alcohol was banned in the United States of America.

Prohibition originated when a group of Christian women decided that if alcohol wasn't consumed by men, women and children would not be abused.  They gained so much support that eventually, prohibition became law.  This, like doing away with guns, appeared to be a noble cause.  It'd make people safer, healthier, etc.  But only when taken at surface level.  It's a fine idea, in theory.

But as a result of Prohibition, an underground market of bootleggers came about.  Organized crime grew ridiculously.  People got hurt because of it.  Because it was suddenly a crime to have and/or consume alcohol, people got hurt keeping it a secret.  But the main point?

People.  Still.  Got.  It.

Making ownership of guns illegal is not going to take guns off the streets anymore than making drugs or prostitutes illegal has kept them off the street.  People will always find a way to get what they want.  Period.  And making them illegal will only cause more problems.  Black markets are sure to arise and crime rates will sky-rocket.  It's worth noting that in countries without gun laws, crime rates are way lower than they are here.

People are more likely to go against something if they're told that they cannot do something. 

But this isn't a gun issue.  This is a human issue.  There are, unfortunately, always going to be broken, messed up people in this world.  It's a sad reality.  But what I fail to understand is how in light of recent events, people are wanting to disarm our citizens completely.  I don't know about you, but if I was in a position where my life, my co-workers'/family members' lives, or children's lives were in danger I would not want to be left defenseless and hoping that law enforcement would show up in time.

Having citizens who carry is a good thing.  Less people will get hurt if A) an intruder or criminal knows that certain groups of people (i.e. school faculty members) carry guns and B) if there are armed citizens who can defend themselves and the people around them and take down the gunman before the police arrive.

To me?  That's worth it.  Saving lives is worth allowing Americans to exercise their 2nd Amendment rights.  If you don't like guns, don't carry one.  But don't take that right from others.  Who knows, one of those concealed carry certified citizens might just save your life.

And on a smaller scale, as a woman I would like to have some sort of defense against a male attacker.  You can argue all you want that women can be just as strong as men, but, honey, I'm 4ft 10.5in.  I'm not going to be able to take down a man on my own.  Especially if he's attacking me.  Either having a gun of my own or having a passerby having one could save me (my life, among other things).

Guns can provide safety and security.  Sometimes you don't have time to call the police.  And if you do, it could take awhile for them to get there - more time than you have if someone is breaking into your house.

I don't think that anyone could look me in the eye and tell me that they would prefer to be defenseless if their family was in danger.  I know that I wouldn't want that.  I'd do everything in my power to save as many people as I could.  I think allowing citizens to carry guns (after proper training) is a good place to start.

But, as always, that's just my two cents. 

Comments?  Leave 'em below.  Just be nice.  I won't attack you or your opinions, so don't attack me or mine.

p.s. Just a side note.  Can we please stop releasing the names and photographs of killers?  They do not deserve the media attention and "fame."  Let's focus on the victims and those left behind.  I refuse to give a murderer any of my time or attention - he or she does not deserve it.  The innocent people deprived of the chance to live. . . those are the people I will focus on.  Their stories, their faces, their names, their memory.  Not that of the one who took that from them.